The opening lyrics talk about the unfortunate end of a relationship and how it's not the end of the world. Normal enough. Then came the chorus and second verse, which was what blew me away. In the chorus, Drake talks about how staying in the relationship and pretending that all is fine is the wrong thing to do. He then goes on to sing, "We live in a generation of not being in love and not being together // But we sure make it feel like we're together // Cause we're scared to see each other with somebody else." That was the line that hit home for me. It describes my generation perfectly. So often I've watched as couples fight and break up, make up and get back together, all because it's comfortable or convenient. It's so sad and discouraging.
This is my generation, "a generation of not being in love and not being together." It looks pretty hopeless at times. As I mentioned in my previous post, my generation is disillusioned with false expectations of love and relationships, never quite understanding the true meaning behind love, never looking to our Heavenly Father as a divine example.
If you're in a dating/courting relationship right now, I have a few questions for you. Whether you're a member of my generation or not, these questions apply to you.
- Why are you with the person you're dating/courting?
- What is it about them that first attracted you to them?
- How do you usually feel when you're around them?
- If you've ever considering breaking up with this person, why did you decide not to?
Stop lying to yourself. You need to be honest not only with yourself, but with your partner. I often read articles about how you'll know when you've found the ONE. These articles imply that you'll immediately know and that you'll never need to question your "love" for this person. I'm here to tell you that it's OKAY to question your relationship. I don't mean question in a negative way nor do I mean that you should question your relationship with your partner forever. What I'm trying to say is that in the beginning and even several months or a year into your relationship, you should ask yourself the above questions. You should question your own motives and expectations for the relationship.
When I first started dating Josh, I questioned almost everything! I'm a naturally cynical and apprehensive person. Though there have certainly been times when I've failed to ask questions, I often continually question things until I'm confident that I've uncovered the truth. Josh was no exception. I was immediately attracted to his charisma, adorableness (despite the fact that he's like 10 feet tall), and his contagious, amazingly perfect laugh (you'd have to hear it). Yet, I questioned him. I asked him questions about himself and repeatedly asked myself if he was the right person to date or even marry.
As the months went by in our relationship, I became more and more confident. I became increasingly sure of the truth. There were times when I was overly critical and negative, yet I always came back to the same conclusion, the conclusion that I still have today: Josh is the right one, not the one I'm with because I'm desperate for companionship, not the one I'm with because of his looks, not the one I'm with because it's convenient at the moment, and not the one I'm with because he wants to be with me too (although this is partially necessary for a successful relationship). I'm with Josh because of who he is as an individual, not who he is as my boyfriend. He is ambitious, unconditionally loving, inspirational, genuine, fun, forgiving, generous, serious when he needs to be, understanding, a real conversationalist, a listener, and a man after God's own heart. He's not perfect, but I love him even more for it. He doesn't think he deserves me, but in believing that he doesn't, he does. I love him because he loves me and because he gives me so much and puts so much into our relationship, but I love him even more because of what I can do for him and how I can bless him.
Want to know whether or not you're in the right relationship? Ask yourself if you're getting more than you're giving in the relationship. Ask yourself if you could honestly see yourself with this person for the rest of your lives. If not, it's time to reevaluate and to be completely honest.
There are several things you must consider when evaluating your relationship. They are as follows:
- In the right relationship, you shouldn't have to hide parts of yourself from your partner.
- You shouldn't feel the need to lie to them about your past.
- You shouldn't fear your partner in any way.
- You shouldn't feel constant jealousy of them or of their friends nor should they try to make you jealous.
- You shouldn't have to change for this person. They should accept and love you, flaws and all.
- You should be able to trust them.
- You shouldn't have a backup plan just in case it doesn't work out with them. You're setting yourself up for failure that way.
- You should be able to depend on them, but not be codependent.
- You shouldn't dread spending time with them.
- You shouldn't have to or want to hide the relationship from others.
- You shouldn't be with your partner if they can never admit they're wrong and never take responsibility.
- You shouldn't bash each other in public OR in private.
- You should be able to go to them with your problems and know that they'll listen, love you, and try to help you.
- You should both constantly be inspiring each other to be better and do better.
- You shouldn't want to change who they are or what they believe (we often call this missionary dating).
If you're going through a breakup I encourage you to push forward and believe that God has a plan. I encourage you to put God first in each of your future relationships and to ask questions. Even if you're still in a dating/courting relationship, remember to make God your first priority and to ask those difficult questions. Some of the answers may hurt, but they'll save you from making even bigger mistakes an experiencing even more heartache. Don't be content to be the "generation of not being in love". Refuse to conform to that social trend and instead seek true, God-inspired love.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Feel free to email Josh and I with your thoughts, suggestions, or if you would like prayer or advice. We thank you for stopping by our blog and hope you'll be back!