Monday, July 14, 2014

When Life Get's Unclear, Readjust Your Focus

Life is like a camera; how we react to things depends a lot on our perspective and our focus. The success of any relationship depends on the same principles that define photography.

I've been an amateur photographer since my sophomore year in high school when I took my first photography class. In photography, I learned a lot about color, texture, value, composition, and lighting. However, two of the most important things that makes any picture "great" are perspective and focus.

A lot of people with cameras take photos at around eye-level, pointing more or less directly straight forward. Tied with the increasing fad of "selfies," only photographing things at eye level will create a boring and homogenous photography portfolio. The same goes for life and especially relationships.

If you only approach your relationship with one perspective, you only understand where you are coming from. There are times in relationships that require us to change our perspective. Changing your perspective can mean sympathizing with your partner during a dispute or it can mean realizing that when you are wronged by your partner your situation could be significantly worse. Changing our perspective allows us to better understand our partner, our goals for a relationship, and ourselves. If you change your perspective often, you may find that you need to make some serious adjustments to yourself, your decisions, and your character for the betterment of yourself, your partner, and your relationship.

Refocusing allows us to gain greater understanding! Source
The other thing that makes a photograph amazing is clear or unique focus. I cannot tell you how many pictures my teacher vetoed for my portfolio because they were "too blurry" or "incorrectly focused." A lot of people in life go around with an incorrect focus. People, including myself, tend to focus so much on the negative aspect of their mate and their lives. We can grumble and complain about our mate's tics, their inability to communicate, their bad sense of humor, or their inability to listen.

Challenge yourself everyday to readjust your focus! You need to do this especially if you feel wronged or victimized by the person you love. Philippians 4:8 is some of the greatest advice to live by when you are experiencing frustration, disappointment, or anger because of your relationship:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
I am sure you can find at least one good thing in your partner when you are mad at them, and once you do that you can find a dozen, two dozen, or even more things you admire in them. You need to ALWAYS focus on the good in your partner. Whenever we become bogged down by the bad things that our partners have done, it is so easy to get overwhelmed and want to end the relationship or seek commitment elsewhere. Below are some questions you can ask yourself to get yourself thinking about the good things your partner has done in your life:

  1. What do you admire most about your partner?
  2. What is your favorite thing about your partner's appearance? 
  3. What is your favorite thing about your partner's character? 
  4. What are some favorite memories you have shared together?
  5. What does your partner do for you to make you feel loved, comforted, or secured?
When you ask yourself the above questions, you will be certain to always find positive things about your partner to dwell on during times of turmoil. Life and relationships can be tumultuous. We must keep our eyes on the prize of an amazing relationship and life with God or we will sink. Above all else, it is critical that if you are not where you need to be with God that you readjust your focus on Him. With God, all things are possible, including overcoming your relationship's problems. 

A final note: 

One other thing I learned about photography is that it doesn't matter what type of camera you have, it's the photographer, not the camera, that makes a photo great. You can have a $50 point and shoot, or a $3,000 Nikon DLSR with fancy lenses. If you don't know how to use your camera, you won't take a good picture, plain as that.

People often think that you need lots of money, job security, or an older age (like 30) to be "qualified" to marry. That's complete garbage. It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, have a job or don't have a job, and young or old. You either have good preparation, the skills to do marriage, and commitment or you don't. Just like how the uneducated photographer will take terrible pictures with the fancy camera, people who are rich, have job security, and are older DO NOT necessarily have what it takes to make a  marriage work. However, the people who are trained, read marriage resources, go to premarital counseling, study the word of God, and understand that marriage requires constant work and dedication can have the most successful marriage around, even if they are not rich, do not have a job right now, or are young. When it comes to getting married, it's the couple, not their circumstances, that will define their relationship's success. 


How can you refocus and change your perspective in your relationship? What are some of the things you value about your partner that help you always focus on the good? We love to hear your story! Feel free to comment below or email us at

God bless you!

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