Don't Let the "Aphids" Destroy Your Relationship

As I was scrolling through the blog today, I realized that Josh and I never explained the meaning behind the title nor did we explain the role that it plays in our lives.  For starters, Showing Hearts was completely Josh's idea.  We like to read the Bible together, trade verses, or read relationship books together.  Yet, a blog wasn't something I had truly considered until he brought the idea to me.  And it was one of the best decisions we've made.  Now, as for the title, that was more my idea.  You would think that choosing a title for the blog would be the easiest part.  Not so!  After we threw around several titles, I finally came up with the perfect one.  At the time, I was listening to the song All of Me by John Legend.  Towards the end of the song he sings, "Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts.  Risking it all, though it's hard."  That's when it came to me.  Showing Hearts!  It was perfect, and Josh completely agreed.  As stated in the lyrics, both of our cards are on the table and they're showing hearts.  It's often hard to share the deepest part of yourself with someone else, let alone on a blog!  Yet, that's exactly what we're doing.  We're showing our hearts.  We're allowing ourselves to be open and vulnerable.  And we don't regret it.

As for the role that the blog plays in our lives, it has become an outlet for our innermost thoughts, a place where both Josh and I could share our "uncensored" thoughts on life, love, courtship, and marriage.  We've chosen not to promote the blog via our personal social media accounts because we'd prefer it to remain a relatively personal and private outlet through which we can express ourselves without potential scrutiny and criticism from our more negative, doubting friend group.  If, down the line, some of our friends and loved ones happen to stumble upon it, we hope it will be a blessing to them.

Source

Too often in life, there are people that criticize your every move and try to shove their negativity down your throat.  Maybe these people are your  siblings, your close friends, or even your parents or guardians.  It's like no matter what you do, you're wrong (in their eyes, at least).  You don't know anything.  Who are you to talk?  Why should I even listen to you?  You're too young.  You're just going to fail anyway.  They may not explicitly say these things, but believe me, they are implied.  I like to compare these people to a tiny but lethal bug known as an aphid.  For those of you who don't know, aphids are tiny insects that are the bane of every gardener's existence.  These creatures like to plant themselves (pun intended) on roses, honeysuckles, and any flowering foliage.  They latch onto the plants and don't let go until they have literally sucked the life out of said plant, leaving only deformed leaves and flowers in its wake.

I'm sorry to say that there are people in our lives who can act much like these treacherous aphids.  Whether consciously or subconsciously, these people cut you down, belittle your talents and abilities, and try to set you up for failure.  There are people that especially try to do this to your relationship or marriage.  It's destined to fail.  You'll never make it.  Just give up now.  Like I said, it's most often implied.  They (or you!) may not realize it, but much like the aphids, they're crippling you or your relationship.

If possible, it's best to either completely ignore their negativity or if that's too difficult, you may need to reconsider your relationship with these people.  That being said, I don't think it's always wise to try to cut these people out of your live.  Oftentimes, they don't even realize that what they are doing is hurtful and negative.  Instead of blowing up in their faces or trying to prove them wrong, it's best to trust in God's will and know that He has great things planned for you, regardless of the criticism you may face.  After all, is there anyone that knows more than God?  Is there anyone that can tell you what you can and can't accomplish or what your future will hold?  No one but the Almighty knows and what He places upon your heart is for you only.  

Personally, I know that I am guilty of acting or speaking negatively, quite often in fact!  At times, I inadvertently become the aphid, choosing to focus on harsh criticism and dwell in my discouragement.  When this happens, Josh repeatedly has to remind me to readjust my focus.  The same is true for others.  Sometimes we just have to remind them to readjust their own perspectives.

Though Josh and I have had problems and have faced our fair share of criticism, we've learned not to let it faze us.  We like to let the criticism challenge us and strengthen our resolve and commitment to each other.  While the "aphids" in our lives may threaten to destroy what we've worked for, we always remind ourselves to put God first and rely on Him as our primary source of strength.


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We hope that you've been enjoying our posts and will continue following us on our journey.  Thank you for each of the wonderful emails that you've sent us and for allowing us to be vulnerable and show our hearts without restraint.  Feel free to contact us at Showinghearts@gmail.com if you have any suggestions for future posts, if you'd like advice, or if you need prayer.  We look forward to hearing from you!
 






 

No Greater Love

     Today is a very special day.  On this day, ten months ago, Josh and I officially started dating.  It just sort of happened, and I couldn't be more thankful that it did.  It marked a new phase of my life.  But it wasn't so much the beginning of something as it was the continuation of my life with Josh by my side.  I don't know how I managed without him for so long!

     That being said, I just wanted to take the time to today to reflect on one aspect of young ( and old!) relationships that I find to be so vital: selflessness.  I do realize that several of the posts on this blog have been about love and selflessness.  Yet, my aim with this particular post is not to continue expounding on it, but to share a memory that I've held close to my heart for some time, a memory that I feel shows selflessness in one of its purest forms.

     This past April saw its share of tears and pain.  As I've mentioned before, Josh and I were going through a rough patch at the time.  There were hurt feelings on both sides, which made it hard to find peace within our relationship.  There were times when I'd get so upset about one thing or another that I'd take it out on Josh or completely give him the cold shoulder.  While he was and has always been the more open one, I've been the person that takes much longer to open up.

     One night, as I was lying in my bed trying to fall asleep, I began to feel terrible, even more terrible than I usually felt during that difficult time.  Lying there, I felt the weight of the world crushing me, suffocating me to the point where I felt I couldn't breathe and couldn't go on.  It was a truly dark moment.  My heart was so heavy that I could have sworn it was detaching itself from inside my body and sinking to my stomach.  I felt so empty and lost, yet I hurt so much.  It was a brutal paradox.  In all my life, I don't know that I've felt more alone.

     By the grace of God, Josh happened to be hanging out with friends in my dorm that night.  He was just a floor or two beneath my own.  I remember texting him and asking if he could come to my room if it wasn't too much trouble.  Of course, he responded immediately and within minutes, he was in my room.  I remember asking him was if he would hold me until I fell asleep.  After that, all I remember is Josh squeezing into the tiny bed beside me, softly stroking my hair and comforting me until I drifted off to sleep.  Though I was still hurting, his mere presence lifted some of the heaviness from my heart, to the point where it was once again bearable.

     Looking back, I realize that the night could have been so much different had Josh not been there.  I praise God that he was there for me then and has continually been there for me.  Time and time again, Josh has showed me what it means to be truly selfless.  He's shown me how to love unconditionally and without limit.  Josh could have chosen to ignore my texts that night.  He certainly would have had every reason to.  I had treated him terribly so many times during that period in our relationship.  Yet, Josh chose to drop what he doing and come to my rescue.  It was beautiful.  

     Even after all these months, that memory still makes me tear up.  It reminds me of John 15:13, which says, "There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."  Josh may not have literally sacrificed his life, but he set aside his hurts and his needs and instead chose to focus on mine.  THAT is selflessness.  THAT is sacrifice.  By lying next to me while I fell asleep, Josh was sacrificing "self".  He was completely taking "self" out of the equation.  And that is exactly what makes relationships work, the ability to set aside your own needs and meet your partner's.

     Selflessness has been one of the most valuable things that Josh has taught me over these past ten months.  You can't have true love without it.  If you never put "self" aside, you'll never know the true, lasting love that Christ desires us to have in all our relationships.  And I must tell you, it is a beautiful, pure love.  It is a love that completely changes your way of thinking as well as living.

Lessons from "The Vow"

     If you were to ask me what one of my favorite chick flicks is, I'd have to say "The Vow", a movie inspired by a true story.  The story centers around Leo and Paige, a married couple who get in a serious car accident that leaves Paige with no memory of the last five years of her life, including all memory of her husband.  Throughout the remainder of the movie, Leo not only attempts to help his wife recover her memory, but also tries to win her heart for the second time. *SPOILER ALERT* Paige never does recover her memory of Leo, but she does gradually falls in love with him again, after which the couple is reunited for good.

     When I first saw this movie several months ago, I was touched.  Not often do you see Hollywood producing chick flicks of such quality.  Most usually revolve around sex, alcohol, drugs, or money (or all of the above).  Yet, "The Vow" is a movie that reminds you that true love is powerful.  It reminds you that marriage isn't just a wedding and eloquent vows.  Marriage is commitment, perseverance, and forgiveness.  In the movie, Leo remains committed to Paige no matter how many times she spurns him and his attempts to remind her of her vows.  He continually perseveres, doing whatever it takes to win her heart again.  Most beautiful of all, Leo never lets his wife's coldness make him forget his own vows to her.  On several occasions, Paige makes it clear that she wants nothing to do with him.  Nevertheless, Leo forgives her behavior time and time again, always remembering the woman she was and the woman he knows she can be.

     While Leo and Paige's story is certainly unique, it reminds me of my own relationship with Josh.  We've gone through our ups and downs just like any couple, but we've always managed to find our way back to each other.  In rough times, we've chosen to dwell on the happy memories we've shared over these last nine months.  In the past, Josh, like Leo, has often had to fight to keep our relationship alive.  He's had to persevere and fight for my heart.  While I'd like to say that I've been the model girlfriend and stood by Josh's side through the thick and thin, I'd be lying.  At one point, I'd sunk so deep into my apathy that I cared little for our relationship and little for myself.  I believed every lie I was fed by the world and allowed myself to temporarily forget who I was.

     Yet, even when I'd given up on myself, Josh never gave up on me.  I'd pull away, and he would pull me back.  At my lowest point, he picked me up, dusted me off, and helped me get moving in the right direction.  Though I'd hurt Josh with my behavior more than once, he never failed to forgive me and continually reminded me not of my many faults, but of who I am and what I have the potential to be.

     So, as you can see, our story is a bit like Leo and Paige's.  Our story hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows, and it has NEVER been without its fair share of trials.  Contrary to what outsiders might perceive, our relationship  has been marked by pitfalls, pain, and apathy.  At times, it's nearly been stretched to its limit.  Even so, something always brings us back.  Something always reminds us of why we fell in love in the first place, and that something has always been God.  When Josh or I have fallen short, He's given us strength to persevere and the strength to love each other through it all.  There have been times when I've felt unlovable and acted in a manner that wouldn't encourage anyone to love me, but Josh has always managed to somehow see past the facades I've thrown up.  He's ripped down these facades and loved me despite my faults.  And that's really the message of "The Vow" isn't it?  Unconditional love, commitment, perseverance, and forgiveness.