A Generation of Not Being in Love

     While listening to one of my Pandora music stations the other day, a Drake song come on that really made me stop and think.  Now let me preface the rest of this post by saying that I'm not a fan of most rappers or their derogative music.  However, this one particular song caught my attention.  After I got over my initial surprise at who this song was being sung by, I stopped and listened to the lyrics.  What I heard was even more surprising and hit so close to home.

     The opening lyrics talk about the unfortunate end of a relationship and how it's not the end of the world.  Normal enough.  Then came the chorus and second verse, which was what blew me away.  In the chorus, Drake talks about how staying in the relationship and pretending that all is fine is the wrong thing to do.  He then goes on to sing, "We live in a generation of not being in love and not being together // But we sure make it feel like we're together // Cause we're scared to see each other with somebody else."  That was the line that hit home for me.  It describes my generation perfectly.  So often I've watched as couples fight and break up, make up and get back together, all because it's comfortable or convenient.  It's so sad and discouraging.

     This is my generation, "a generation of not being in love and not being together."  It looks pretty hopeless at times.  As I mentioned in my previous post, my generation is disillusioned with false expectations of love and relationships, never quite understanding the true meaning behind love, never looking to our Heavenly Father as a divine example.  

     If you're in a dating/courting relationship right now, I have a few questions for you.  Whether you're a member of my generation or not, these questions apply to you.

1. Why are you with the person you're dating/courting?  
2. What is it about them that first attracted you to them?
3. How do you usually feel when you're around them?
4. If you've ever considering breaking up with this person, why did you decide not to?

     These are only a few of the multitude of questions I could ask you about your relationship.  I believe that everyone, deep down, knows whether or not they should or shouldn't be with a certain person.  Sadly, we don't realize it because we're so focused on finding that love we dreamed about when we were younger.  We push our doubts and apprehension to the back of our minds because we're so focused on making it work with this person.  I've been guilty of it in past relationships, and I know you have too.

     Stop lying to yourself.  You need to be honest not only with yourself, but with your partner.  I often read articles about how you'll know when you've found the ONE.  These articles imply that you'll immediately know and that you'll never need to question your "love" for this person.  I'm here to tell you that it's OKAY to question your relationship.  I don't mean question in a negative way nor do I mean that you should question your relationship with your partner forever.  What I'm trying to say is that in the beginning and even several months or a year into your relationship, you should ask yourself the above questions.  You should question your own motives and expectations for the relationship.

     When I first started dating Josh, I questioned almost everything!  I'm a naturally cynical and apprehensive person.  Though there have certainly been times when I've failed to ask questions, I often continually question things until I'm confident that I've uncovered the truth.  Josh was no exception.  I was immediately attracted to his charisma, adorableness (despite the fact that he's like 10 feet tall), and his contagious, amazingly perfect laugh (you'd have to hear it).  Yet, I questioned him.  I asked him questions about himself and repeatedly asked myself if he was the right person to date or even marry.

     As the months went by in our relationship, I became more and more confident.  I became increasingly sure of the truth.  There were times when I was overly critical and negative, yet I always came back to the same conclusion, the conclusion that I still have today: Josh is the right one, not the one I'm with because I'm desperate for companionship, not the one I'm with because of his looks, not the one I'm with because it's convenient at the moment, and not the one I'm with because he wants to be with me too (although this is partially necessary for a successful relationship).  I'm with Josh because of who he is as an individual, not who he is as my boyfriend.  He is ambitious, unconditionally loving, inspirational, genuine, fun, forgiving, generous, serious when he needs to be, understanding, a real conversationalist, a listener, and a man after God's own heart.  He's not perfect, but I love him even more for it.  He doesn't think he deserves me, but in believing that he doesn't, he does.  I love him because he loves me and because he gives me so much and puts so much into our relationship, but I love him even more because of what I can do for him and how I can bless him.

     Want to know whether or not you're in the right relationship?  Ask yourself if you're getting more than you're giving in the relationship.  Ask yourself if you could honestly see yourself with this person for the rest of your lives.  If not, it's time to reevaluate and to be completely honest.

There are several things you must consider when evaluating your relationship.  They are as follows:

1. In the right relationship, you shouldn't have to hide parts of yourself from your partner.
2. You shouldn't feel the need to lie to them about your past.
3. You shouldn't fear your partner in any way.
4. You shouldn't feel constant jealousy of them or of their friends nor should they try to make you jealous.
5. You shouldn't have to change for this person.  They should accept and love you, flaws and all.
6. You should be able to trust them.
7. You shouldn't have a backup plan just in case it doesn't work out with them.  You're setting yourself up for failure that way.
8. You should be able to depend on them, but not be codependent.
9. You shouldn't dread spending time with them.
10. You shouldn't have to or want to hide the relationship from others.
11. You shouldn't be with your partner if they can never admit they're wrong and never take responsibility.
12. You shouldn't bash each other in public OR in private.
13. You should be able to go to them with your problems and know that they'll listen, love you, and try to help you.
14. You should both constantly be inspiring each other to be better and do better.
15. You shouldn't want to change who they are or what they believe (we often call this missionary dating).

     The list goes on, but these are the top things to evaluate.  If your relationship matches each of these qualifications, great!  If not, your relationship may just need a bit of work and a bit more open communication.  If your partner refuses to work with you, then it may be time to move on.  Thus far, this blog has been about making relationships work and making them better, but I refuse to lie to you and tell you that all relationships can be fixed.  We will all end up in some relationship or another that we're definitely not supposed to be in.  When this happens all we can do is move on and learn from our mistakes, difficult as that may be.

     If you're going through a breakup I encourage you to push forward and believe that God has a plan.  I encourage you to put God first in each of your future relationships and to ask questions.  Even if you're still in a dating/courting relationship, remember to make God your first priority and to ask those difficult questions.  Some of the answers may hurt, but they'll save you from making even bigger mistakes an experiencing even more heartache.  Don't be content to be the "generation of not being in love".  Refuse to conform to that social trend and instead seek true, God-inspired love.

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

 Feel free to email Josh and I with your thoughts, suggestions, or if you would like prayer or advice.  We thank you for stopping by our blog and hope you'll be back!  

Blessings!

-Marisa

 

The L-Word

     "One of the great ironies of life is that we treat 'love' like a dirty word and then act surprised when people give themselves to anyone and everyone because they don't know what true 'love' is."  Surprisingly, I came up with this quote myself just the other day.  I don't even remember what I was doing.  It just suddenly came to me, like God had placed it on my heart.  Turn on the news, and you'll see just how true it.
   
     From celebrity marriages that barely last a month to the fluctuating (but always problematic) rate of teen pregnancy, it's clear that modern society is struggling with the true definition of "love".  Many refuse to even believe in its existence.  Think about some of the most popular songs on the radio today.  What are they about?  More than likely, they're about love, specifically lost love or destroyed love.  These songs most often mesh sex and love together, blurring the lines between the two until they seem almost synonymous.  But they're not, are they?  Yet, modern society has brainwashed us, most notably the Millennial Generation, into believing that they are one in the same.

     Therein lies the problem.  We no longer know what true love is.  We treat "love" like a dirty word, belittling it as if it's a disease, treating it as if it's shameful.  We have become so focused on denouncing love and criticizing those who profess to have found it, that we've forgotten to focus on what love IS.  It's no wonder that my generation, the Millennials, are so disillusioned.  How are we expected to know what love is if we've never been taught?  We're like blind men stumbling around in the dark, not knowing which way to turn.  For example, look at teenage pregnancy.  According to the Office of Adolescent Health, 305,420 babies were born to girls between the ages of 15 and 19, with 89% of these births occurring outside of marriage.  This was in 2013 alone!  And that number doesn't even include the abortions that took place.

     Clearly, my generation still believes in love, but hasn't quite figured out the true meaning behind it.  We have equated sex with love, thinking that the first will bring us the latter.  But that's never the case.  More often than not, my generation pays dearly for this mistake.  Even marriage doesn't solve this issue.  Marriage and love no longer go hand in hand.  While the two are by no means synonymous, love is sometimes not even a factor in marriage, though it is vital.  Today, many marriages are solely built upon such things as loneliness, the need for financial stability, the need for emotional stability, or even convenience. I'm not saying that the aforementioned items aren't important, but apart from love, they cheapen the value and sanctity of marriage.  Just look at the divorce rates!  Though not all divorces are due to a lack of love within the marriage, many surprisingly are.  People enter into marriage thinking they've got love all figured out, only to realize down the road that they never truly loved the person they married.  This may hit close to home for some of you, and I'm deeply saddened if it does.

     Some of you may be going through a breakup or a divorce right now, wondering how you even got to this place.  Some of you may be blaming yourselves for what happened.  If you are, I encourage you to stop.  If you earnestly tried to make your relationship work, gave it your all, but just couldn't find the "love" you once had for that person, stop beating yourself up.  Stop dwelling on the past and punishing yourself because you think what happened is all your fault.  Stop feeling like something's wrong with you because there's nothing wrong with you.  There's something severely wrong with our society.  Like me, you've probably never been taught what true love is.  Like me, you've probably been told, You're too young to understand love.  Never say you're in love.  Just date around.  Your relationships will all end anyway.  Why commit?  You'll just end up breaking up or getting divorced.  You're too naive.  You're too young to know what you want.  If you've given in to these lies, you're not alone.  We've been told by society that love either doesn't exist or been told that it is something that it's not.  So how can you blame yourself?  How can you give something (e.g. love) to someone if you don't even know what it is?  You simply can't.

     So what is true love?  Does it exist or is all hope lost?  I assure you that all hope is not lost.  You may have given in to lies before, but you no longer have to.  You can be set free.  In the pursuit of true love, we often forget about our heavenly Father and His unconditional love.  We forget to mirror our love after His.  1 John 4:7-8 says, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."  As children of the most high God, we are called to accept one another and love just as He loved us.  As it says in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8,  

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance ... love will last forever!"

     Does your love measure up to this standard?  I know that mine hasn't always.  I'm often guilty of forgetting one or two of these characteristics of love.  As a result, my love has sometimes been very conditional.  When I first started dating Josh, I thought I knew what love was.  I thought I had it all nailed down.  However, I quickly realized how wrong I was.  My love for Josh didn't always measure up to God's standards.  I often demanded my own way or lost faith or came close to giving up.  Fortunately, Josh was God's instrument.  God used him to show me what true love is all about.  He used Josh to show me that love does exist and that it goes beyond any of the lies I've been force-fed by society.  What started out as casual dating, turned into something so much more.  It became meaningful dating, courtship if you will.  And if you haven't found somebody that exemplifies love or if you're still trying to reach God's standard of true love, I encourage you to keep pushing forward.  You are a victor, never a victim.  Will you listen to God's truth or to the lies of society?

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As always, I thank you for visiting our blog and taking the time to read our posts.  It is my sincere hope that you are able to take something away.  Feel free to email us at Showinghearts@gmail.com.  We look forward to hearing from you!

Blessings!

--Marisa

Don't Let the "Aphids" Destroy Your Relationship

As I was scrolling through the blog today, I realized that Josh and I never explained the meaning behind the title nor did we explain the role that it plays in our lives.  For starters, Showing Hearts was completely Josh's idea.  We like to read the Bible together, trade verses, or read relationship books together.  Yet, a blog wasn't something I had truly considered until he brought the idea to me.  And it was one of the best decisions we've made.  Now, as for the title, that was more my idea.  You would think that choosing a title for the blog would be the easiest part.  Not so!  After we threw around several titles, I finally came up with the perfect one.  At the time, I was listening to the song All of Me by John Legend.  Towards the end of the song he sings, "Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts.  Risking it all, though it's hard."  That's when it came to me.  Showing Hearts!  It was perfect, and Josh completely agreed.  As stated in the lyrics, both of our cards are on the table and they're showing hearts.  It's often hard to share the deepest part of yourself with someone else, let alone on a blog!  Yet, that's exactly what we're doing.  We're showing our hearts.  We're allowing ourselves to be open and vulnerable.  And we don't regret it.

As for the role that the blog plays in our lives, it has become an outlet for our innermost thoughts, a place where both Josh and I could share our "uncensored" thoughts on life, love, courtship, and marriage.  We've chosen not to promote the blog via our personal social media accounts because we'd prefer it to remain a relatively personal and private outlet through which we can express ourselves without potential scrutiny and criticism from our more negative, doubting friend group.  If, down the line, some of our friends and loved ones happen to stumble upon it, we hope it will be a blessing to them.

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Too often in life, there are people that criticize your every move and try to shove their negativity down your throat.  Maybe these people are your  siblings, your close friends, or even your parents or guardians.  It's like no matter what you do, you're wrong (in their eyes, at least).  You don't know anything.  Who are you to talk?  Why should I even listen to you?  You're too young.  You're just going to fail anyway.  They may not explicitly say these things, but believe me, they are implied.  I like to compare these people to a tiny but lethal bug known as an aphid.  For those of you who don't know, aphids are tiny insects that are the bane of every gardener's existence.  These creatures like to plant themselves (pun intended) on roses, honeysuckles, and any flowering foliage.  They latch onto the plants and don't let go until they have literally sucked the life out of said plant, leaving only deformed leaves and flowers in its wake.

I'm sorry to say that there are people in our lives who can act much like these treacherous aphids.  Whether consciously or subconsciously, these people cut you down, belittle your talents and abilities, and try to set you up for failure.  There are people that especially try to do this to your relationship or marriage.  It's destined to fail.  You'll never make it.  Just give up now.  Like I said, it's most often implied.  They (or you!) may not realize it, but much like the aphids, they're crippling you or your relationship.

If possible, it's best to either completely ignore their negativity or if that's too difficult, you may need to reconsider your relationship with these people.  That being said, I don't think it's always wise to try to cut these people out of your live.  Oftentimes, they don't even realize that what they are doing is hurtful and negative.  Instead of blowing up in their faces or trying to prove them wrong, it's best to trust in God's will and know that He has great things planned for you, regardless of the criticism you may face.  After all, is there anyone that knows more than God?  Is there anyone that can tell you what you can and can't accomplish or what your future will hold?  No one but the Almighty knows and what He places upon your heart is for you only.  

Personally, I know that I am guilty of acting or speaking negatively, quite often in fact!  At times, I inadvertently become the aphid, choosing to focus on harsh criticism and dwell in my discouragement.  When this happens, Josh repeatedly has to remind me to readjust my focus.  The same is true for others.  Sometimes we just have to remind them to readjust their own perspectives.

Though Josh and I have had problems and have faced our fair share of criticism, we've learned not to let it faze us.  We like to let the criticism challenge us and strengthen our resolve and commitment to each other.  While the "aphids" in our lives may threaten to destroy what we've worked for, we always remind ourselves to put God first and rely on Him as our primary source of strength.


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We hope that you've been enjoying our posts and will continue following us on our journey.  Thank you for each of the wonderful emails that you've sent us and for allowing us to be vulnerable and show our hearts without restraint.  Feel free to contact us at Showinghearts@gmail.com if you have any suggestions for future posts, if you'd like advice, or if you need prayer.  We look forward to hearing from you!
 






 

Touch: An Important Love Language

Let me preface this entire post by making it clear that I have nothing against couples who decide to postpone physical affection (i.e. kissing, full-on hugs) until marriage.  If you have the willpower to wait till then, more power to you!  At the same time, I can’t say that it is entirely healthy for all couples.  I do understand that even the most innocent physical affection can go too far too fast.  Yet, I can’t emphasize enough how much I firmly believe in touch during courtship (notice I said COURTSHIP).  I feel that for many couples it is actually helpful rather than hurtful.

I’m sure some of you may have read Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages.  For those of you who haven’t, Dr. Chapman breaks down the basic needs of married individuals.  He defines these needs as love languages and lists five.  These languages are words of affirmation, acts of services, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.  Married or not, these love languages apply to everyone.  Though Josh and I aren’t yet married, we both know each other’s primary love language.  His is definitely quality time!  Josh loves to spend time with me with others, but also needs alone time with me.  Refusing to acknowledge or meet his need for quality time emotionally drains him and puts a strain on our relationship.

I, on the other hand, am more of a mix.  I have two competing love languages, words of affirmation and physical touch.  Josh also recognizes the importance of meeting these two needs.  If one of us continually fails to meet the other’s needs, the results can be disastrous.  Physical touch is no exception to this rule.  In the past, Josh has (unknowingly) not fulfilled my need for physical touch.  He wasn’t “speaking” my love language.  Rather than doing the appropriate thing and verbally expressing myself, I chose to become bitter and pull away.  At the time, he had no idea what my two love languages were, which just made it all the more difficult for him to address the issue.  Today, I’m happy to say that we both know each other’s love languages and are better able to meet each other’s emotional needs.   

I say all of that to emphasize the fact that physical touch (to many) is just as important as the other love languages.  If Josh were to never kiss me or hug me or put his arm around me, I guarantee you I’d start to feel emotionally starved.  Ask anyone who shares this love language with me and they’ll completely agree.  Though touch does not define a relationship, its power must not be underestimated.  Physical affection is not love itself, but it is the very product of love.  Thus, its absence is often perceived as the absence of love. 

In marriage, couples who rarely touch often feel distant from their spouse.  They begin to feel unloved, though they might not admit it.  This principle is true for all romantic relationships.  While lack of touch is most detrimental in marriages, it is crushing in all relationships.  Ignoring the need for touch can destroy the emotional closeness between two people.  In an article written by Dr. Chapman, he states that physical touch “communicate[s] that you care” and that “a hug is worth more than a thousand words”.  To the person whose love language is physical touch, something as casual as a kiss on the cheek or a quick hug can brighten their entire day.

So, I challenge you to learn your spouse or significant other’s love language.  Learn what they NEED.  If it’s words of affirmation, genuinely encourage them each day!  Quality time?  Mark spaces in your schedule to put work or school aside and spend one-on-one time with them.  Is their love language physical touch?  Even if you’re not the most touchy-feely person, always make a conscious effort to give them meaningful hugs and maybe even a kiss on the forehead.  Something as small as learning to speak each other’s love language can make a world of difference!

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to comment below or send us an email at showinghearts@gmail.com.  We look forward to hearing from you!

Accepting One Another

     You want to know one of the things I love most about Josh?  The fact that he ACCEPTS me.  He has always accepted me just as I am, quirks and all.  But he doesn't accept me in spite of of my quirks.  He accepts and loves me because of them, because they are as much a part of me as my hands and feet.

     In so many relationships, couples simply learn to put up with each other's quirks and habits.  This is fine for short term relationships, but in the long term, it becomes problematic.  You see, when we merely put up with our significant other's habits, we aren't loving them as are.  We aren't valuing their unique personality.  Thus, our love is somewhat conditional.  It's like saying, "Honey, I love you except for the fact that you (insert habit here)."  This is fine and dandy if you're not looking for any kind of serious commitment, but in long term relationships, it simply won't work.

     I'm not saying that you have to love your partner's habit of leaving trails of socks or speaking with his or her mouth full of food.  What I am saying is that it is vital to love your partner for who they are.  Their unusual or quirky habits are what make them who they are just as your habits make you who you are.  My mom used to quote, "Watch your habits, for they become character."  How right she was!  Our habits are what reveal our character.  The boyfriend or husband that leaves his socks everywhere has probably always been more of a laid-back kind of guy, and there's nothing wrong with that!  It's simply who he is.

     Sure, you may wish he didn't leave his socks everywhere, but it's important to remember that he's still the same laid-back guy you fell in love with, perhaps just a bit more laid-back than before.  Of course, if his sock habit bugs you, there's also nothing wrong with calmly confronting him about it and constantly reminding him to put his socks where they belong.  Obviously, it's easier said than done, but it's something that we should all strive for in our relationships.  After all, clear, calm communication exists in every healthy, thriving relationship.  

     Like all couples, Josh and I can get pretty impatient with each other at times.  Yet, we are always pushing forward and strengthening our lines of communication.  We are always striving to unconditionally accept and love each other.  Every now and then, I'll ask Josh something like "What if I got this pierced?" or "What if I dyed my hair this color?"  Most guys would probably flip out or criticize me.  Not Josh.  He has always responded in love.  He'll tell me his thoughts first and then make it clear that my decisions are my own and he'll support and love me no matter what.  If that's not unconditional love, I don't know what is.

     Once, when I "dyed" my hair with blue hair chalk, I actually shocked Josh.  At first, he didn't know what to say about my blue streaked hair.  Finally, he told me that he had loved my natural hair color as it was, but said that my new blue streaks would probably grow on him and that I had beautiful hair no matter what color it was.  Another time, I got another piercing on one of my ears, which also surprised Josh, but he told me that the more he looked at me and my new piercing, the more he actually like it.  He's even told me that it looks cute on me because it's become a part of me.

     I used these examples to give you a clear idea of what I mean when I say that it is important for couples to accept and love each other's uniqueness.  Though Josh may not always agree with what I say and do, he always makes it perfectly clear that he loves me for ME.  He doesn't just love me when I agree with him nor does he just love me and put up with my quirks.  He loves me completely and unconditionally, just as I love him.

Ephesians 4:2

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

When the Extraordinary Becomes Ordinary

For those of you in love with the person you believe God has placed in your life, I am sure you feel the same sort of happiness and completeness that Marisa and I feel. Love according to God's plan is something extraordinary and something that He has promised us in his word.

Some people are able and practicing living and loving according to God's plan and have a blessed and fulfilled life. However, many more people have relationships where the extraordinary becomes ordinary. Marisa wrote in this post about how we and everyone have points in their relationships where they take their significant other for granted. It's easy to forget that our spouse is a blessing and was constructed in God's perfect image. When we forget how truly special our significant other is, the extraordinary that God has blessed us with in our lives becomes ordinary.

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Marisa and I were blessed yesterday to hear a sermon taught by by a pastor at Ecclesia in Houston. The pastor spoke about how God uses the ordinary in our lives sometimes to be the way we hear him. Christ chose 12 ordinary men to be his disciples. God used ordinary loaves and fishes to feed the multitudes. What we think may be ordinary in our lives is always a blessing that God has given us.

Considering your spouse "ordinary" is not a good thing and not something I would encourage to make you feel better connected to them. My point in writing this post is to show you that if your spouse is now just a part of your routine or if you have become to take them for granted, God can use your routine and "ordinaryness" to transform your relationship. Sometimes it takes thinking someone or something is ordinary to realize how truly powerful and amazing it is when we finally reach the realization that what we once took for granted is awesome, a blessing, and cannot be taken for granted.

Taking each other for granted and considering each other "ordinary" and "part of a routine" is what nearly destroyed Marisa's and my relationship. However, through the tough circumstances that we have recently endured forever, we both realize now that what we once held as "ordinary" in our lives--each other--is actually the most extraordinary, fantastic, and wholesome blessing God has given both of us in our lives.

The reason I titled this post "When the Extraordinary Becomes Ordinary" is because that's how many relationships end. People often take God's blessings in our lives as granted. Our spouses are not "ordinary," but whenever we fall into a routine of ordinary things God uses the ordinary as his Holy ground for showing you the beauty of his presence and image. Are you listening and looking around in your life for how the "ordinary" is actually "extraordinary?"

Lessons from "The Vow"

     If you were to ask me what one of my favorite chick flicks is, I'd have to say "The Vow", a movie inspired by a true story.  The story centers around Leo and Paige, a married couple who get in a serious car accident that leaves Paige with no memory of the last five years of her life, including all memory of her husband.  Throughout the remainder of the movie, Leo not only attempts to help his wife recover her memory, but also tries to win her heart for the second time. *SPOILER ALERT* Paige never does recover her memory of Leo, but she does gradually falls in love with him again, after which the couple is reunited for good.

     When I first saw this movie several months ago, I was touched.  Not often do you see Hollywood producing chick flicks of such quality.  Most usually revolve around sex, alcohol, drugs, or money (or all of the above).  Yet, "The Vow" is a movie that reminds you that true love is powerful.  It reminds you that marriage isn't just a wedding and eloquent vows.  Marriage is commitment, perseverance, and forgiveness.  In the movie, Leo remains committed to Paige no matter how many times she spurns him and his attempts to remind her of her vows.  He continually perseveres, doing whatever it takes to win her heart again.  Most beautiful of all, Leo never lets his wife's coldness make him forget his own vows to her.  On several occasions, Paige makes it clear that she wants nothing to do with him.  Nevertheless, Leo forgives her behavior time and time again, always remembering the woman she was and the woman he knows she can be.

     While Leo and Paige's story is certainly unique, it reminds me of my own relationship with Josh.  We've gone through our ups and downs just like any couple, but we've always managed to find our way back to each other.  In rough times, we've chosen to dwell on the happy memories we've shared over these last nine months.  In the past, Josh, like Leo, has often had to fight to keep our relationship alive.  He's had to persevere and fight for my heart.  While I'd like to say that I've been the model girlfriend and stood by Josh's side through the thick and thin, I'd be lying.  At one point, I'd sunk so deep into my apathy that I cared little for our relationship and little for myself.  I believed every lie I was fed by the world and allowed myself to temporarily forget who I was.

     Yet, even when I'd given up on myself, Josh never gave up on me.  I'd pull away, and he would pull me back.  At my lowest point, he picked me up, dusted me off, and helped me get moving in the right direction.  Though I'd hurt Josh with my behavior more than once, he never failed to forgive me and continually reminded me not of my many faults, but of who I am and what I have the potential to be.

     So, as you can see, our story is a bit like Leo and Paige's.  Our story hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows, and it has NEVER been without its fair share of trials.  Contrary to what outsiders might perceive, our relationship  has been marked by pitfalls, pain, and apathy.  At times, it's nearly been stretched to its limit.  Even so, something always brings us back.  Something always reminds us of why we fell in love in the first place, and that something has always been God.  When Josh or I have fallen short, He's given us strength to persevere and the strength to love each other through it all.  There have been times when I've felt unlovable and acted in a manner that wouldn't encourage anyone to love me, but Josh has always managed to somehow see past the facades I've thrown up.  He's ripped down these facades and loved me despite my faults.  And that's really the message of "The Vow" isn't it?  Unconditional love, commitment, perseverance, and forgiveness.

The Little Things

     I'd love to offer you some great piece of financial wisdom or some secret to a lasting relationship, but I can't.  I can't not because I am incapable of doing so, but because I seem to excel more at sharing my raw, unfiltered experiences and feelings.  If you haven't already noticed, Josh is the more practical one in the relationship, and I absolutely love him for it.  One of us has to keep the other grounded and that person tends to be Josh.
     Before I go any further, I must say that this post will probably be considerately shorter than the others that Josh and I have written.  In a way, the smallness of this post ties in perfectly with what I'm about to say.  I could always say so much more, but there are some things words cannot express.
     For as long as I can remember, I've had this one quote stuck to several of my Pinterest boards.  It's always been one of my favorite quotes.  It says, "Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll look back and realize they were big things."  It's simple enough and easy to grasp.  But how many of us can truly say that we live by this quote?  I know I don't, though I certainly try.  We can speed through our lives, never remembering to stop and enjoy every moment.  It's only after those precious moments have long passed that we realize just how precious they are to us.
     I had one of those precious moments just yesterday.  After Josh and I went to church, we took time to read various relationship books as well as quote some of our favorite Bible verses.  A while later, when we were working on our join blog post, John Legend's "All of Me" started playing in the background.  At that point, Josh stopped typing, and we both looked at each other.  No words were needed.  We didn't need to tell each other what we were feeling.  We already knew.  I'll never forget that moment.  It was so perfect and inexplicably beautiful.  As Josh began to softly sing the lyrics to me, I practically melted into his embrace, tears rolling down both of our faces.  And even through the tears, he kept softly singing into my ear.
     I don't say all of this to make you think that we're the most amazing couple ever and that it's all sunshine and rainbows for us because it's not.  In fact, we've often had to sing through the tears in our relationship (metaphorically speaking) just to make it through.  I've shared this story to remind you that little moments like this are what we should live for.  They're what we should remember and hold onto in even the darkest of times.  That moment that Josh and I shared will be one that I'll take with me to the grave.  It may seem inconsequential to some, but I was fortunate enough to recognize it's beauty as it happened.  I was able to cherish it and truly savor it before it became a part of the past.
     If there's one thing I want you to take away from this post, it's that time is fleeting.  We don't even know if we'll be here tomorrow.  Thus, it's all the more important to make the most of the time we have left and recognize the inherent value of the little things in life.
 

The "Gushy" Love Post You Knew Was Coming

     I chose the title of this post to forewarn you that I may get a little too lovey-dovey at times while talking about my relationship with Josh.  However, let me first start off by saying that I'm the girl that used to roll her eyes at couples who constantly posted pictures of themselves together and constantly talked about each other.  When I began dating Josh, I was no longer that girl.  I became the girl that was proud of her amazing boyfriend and wanted to incessantly talk about him.  However, as much as I love Josh, I'm still considerate of my friends and family and know not to irritate them by rambling on about how much I just love him.  I could talk all day and night about him, but I know better.

     That being said, I don't think it's healthy to hide your feelings for your significant other.  If I could shout to the world how much I love Josh, I would do it in a heartbeat.  This is probably why the following quote by John Lennon is so powerful to me:

"We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight."

     I find it sad how talking about your love for someone often leads to criticism, particularly in the case of young adults like myself.  What's so wrong with being open about your feelings?  Why is it taboo for young people to honestly and tactfully express their love for their significant other?

     "Oh, that's just puppy love!" some say.
 
     "It won't last," others insist.

     Well with that defeatist attitude it probably won't.  Older adults can criticize all they want, but can they really insist that real, honest-to-God love doesn't exist for young couples?  Is that really fair?  They can poke fun at young lovers , but can anyone really say whether it will or won't last?  While it is true that there are older couples who are far mature than us, I would go so far as to say that Josh and I are more mature in our dating relationship than many couples are in their marriage.  Sadly, I've met plenty of married adults who, at times, can be just as immature as some of my college friends.

     I'll admit that Josh and I have been through things that could cripple the average marriage.  Yet, we've made it through and come out stronger.  We've come out stronger as individuals and stronger in our relationship.  In fact, in the nine months that we've dated, we've grown so much closer to each other and to Christ in just this last month.  If that's not powerful, enduring love, I don't know what is.  The various things we've gone through in the past may have been extremely painful and taxing on our relationship, but one thing has always remained constant: our devotion to one another.

     Had you talked to me several months ago, I would have told you that I love Josh and knew something was special about him.  Talk to me today, and you'll get a much different answer.  I'll not just tell you that I love Josh, I'll actually explain the reasons why.  And I'll keep explaining until you force me to stop.  That's one of the many differences between then and now.  I knew I loved Josh then, but I couldn't coherently explain why.  I'll never be able to fully explain the deep, unbreakable connection that we have, but today, I can explain why we fell in love and why I still love him with all of my heart.

     It is this unbreakable connection, this beautiful, powerful love that I have for Josh that makes me bold enough to say that he is the one for me.  He is and has always been the one for me.  I may not be able to say that as much as I'd like, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart.  In spite of all my mistakes and all my shortcomings, God has continually poured His grace and blessings upon me, one of those blessings being Josh.  Together, we are overcoming the trials of our youth and working towards a bright future.  We are working towards marriage and are excited for that sacred day.  Yes, we are young.  Yes, we have our whole lives ahead of us.  And yes, we have much to learn.  But we're preparing ourselves for whatever life throws at us.  We may just be "youngsters", but we know what we want, we're willing to work for it, and we're going to do it together.

It's a Marriage, not a Courtroom--Why "Arguments" are bad for Marriage

Hi again,

So I am on my lunch break again today at my internship, and I figured a good use of my time is writing a post about reflections from a chapter in a book I am reading. First, I should probably say that my internship this summer is at the Harris County District Attorney's office in Houston, Texas, so one of the metaphor's in the book that I am reading struck home for me.

When I began this internship, I really thought that I wanted to be a criminal prosecutor one day. (Little did I know that, ironically, I think I really want to be a couple's counselor now, which is about the farthest thing from law and arguing in a court room.) I enjoy researching, finding evidence, and helping people, so I thought one way I could do that would be to serve the community as a prosecutor and help put criminals bars. Since I am an undergraduate, I am working with a less legal-heavy department (Public Relations). I've noticed a few things about law, though, that make me think being a lawyer is not the profession for me. First of all, depending on the case, some of the trials I have observed have been really depressing because of the circumstances the victim faced and the fact that, often, the defendants' lives are ruined by long prison sentences. (I'll spare you some of the gruesome details of the cases I've observed.)

In addition to the details of the job being depressing, the job itself is somewhat empty. Law is all about arguments, and in court there is usually a definite winner and a definite loser. This makes me feel empty. I don't want to achieve victories at someone's expense as my career, or be constantly losing. I thought law would be good because you resolve conflicts. However, you just abate conflicts and deal with them later. Research shows that if an offender is convicted of a crime and released, the likelihood that they'll reoffend and reenter the system is high. So sometimes lawyers aren't solving conflicts, they create more problems. (I am in no way saying that criminals do not deserve to be punished. My point is that arguing does not always produce a solution.)

Dr. Gary Chapman's book on conflict resolution in marriage, Everybody Wins, draws a parallel between the fault of arguing in marriages with arguments used in court. Dr. Chapman acknowledges that arguments in court have a judge and jury to determine who is right and who is wrong and that there is no such luxury in marriage. When you get engaged in an argument with your spouse, there is nobody around to determine who is right. I've only read the first chapter of Dr. Chapman's book, but I can tell it will be a tremendous blessing to me.

The back of Dr. Chapman's book has the following phrase on it: "Conflict is inevitable. Arguing is a choice." How true! If you think that you and your significant other are going to line up on every single issue, you need a reality check. Even the couples that have the most happy, God-directed marriage have conflicts. According to Dr. Chapman, one key difference between couples that have happy marriages and couples that have crappy marriages is in viewing differences as assets and not a wedge between the couple. Dr. Chapman writes, "When differences are viewed as assets, and husbands and wives work together in harmony, life is beautiful."

I think one thing Marisa and I succeed at quite well is taking this piece of Dr. Chapman's advice to heart. We are quite different, actually, yet we manage to have a beautiful relationship and work together well. We don't live together, so that may contribute partially to how we resolve disagreements well (since we don't conflict over living situations, how time or money is spent, etc.), but still for the amount of differences we have, I think it's actually a miracle and amazing how well we work together.

For example, I HATE spicy food. I cannot tolerate at all. If I eat something spicy, I need to have a pitcher of water right next to me to chug in between bites. Marisa LOVES spicy food. I think it's her Latina flair, but she cooks some might spicy recipes sometimes. When she does that, I don't complain and say, "Why can't you cook something less spicy for me? You know I don't like spicy food!" Instead, I take it as an opportunity to broaden my taste buds' horizons and let them experience new tastes that they don't normally see. (I actually am growing to like some spice in my meals, but still not as much as Marisa likes it.)

Marisa, on the other hand, knows that I don't like spicy food and has broadened her culinary horizons by cooking delicious, new recipes that involve far less spice and are more tolerable for my taste. She isn't frustrated at me, wishing that she had a boyfriend who loved spicy food so she could always cook with her flair.

Although this is a fairly minor issue, we both see this difference in our tastes as constructive to our relationship and not destructive. This is KEY step to effective conflict resolution.

I'll keep you updated as I read more in this and other books, but I wanted to leave you with a scripture to reflect on:

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." Matthew 5:9

I hope you have a blessed Friday and a great weekend!

--Josh